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Debbie

by Haricot Vert

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1.
Nameless 02:44
I’ve been waiting for the inevitable black curtain to play me off Put a QR code on my grave So my mourners can hear my songs Haven’t been praying to nobody Since my mother was dragged away I guess she’s no longer a slave To this one-way ticket train After all these years I wish I could find the chords to wash away the fears These will have to do for now I guess I’ll just be nameless anyhow Wake up with my heart racing I’ve been pacing These ever fading steps I guess I could wake up one morning To catch a contagious seasonal death What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger Or makes you weaker as life drags onward If I can’t give anymore Please don’t think of me any less
2.
Grief 02:23
Do you mind Waiting outside Don’t watch my decline and say everything will be just fine Like her father, she’s gone I guess back, from where they came from Grief is like love without a home A vagabond with a direction I’m with you but I feel so alone
3.
When I was a kid I counted on my parents to pull me through But now that I’m big I’m thinking ‘bout my parents from their point of views But I feel so small Thinking ‘bout how one day I’ll be nothing at all For now I just live And recollect the good times when I was a kid When I was fourteen An aura blurred my focus and sent me wandering Got caught up in a screen An outlet for me to live vicariously Of all the movies I’ve seen This one feels the most like reality Of all the places I’ve been, with you feels the most like normality Been one year since you took your leave After aging 40 years in a matter of weeks Poured your morphine down the sink So I’m not tempted by your eternal sleep You never age in my dreams And when I close my eyes I don’t know which you I’ll see You slipped right through the seams But on cold nights your warmth still envelopes me
4.
Found 02:10
I'm never gonna let this down But I don't want to cause I wanna live like I've lost my crown I’ll just keep digging ’til I find nothing worth being found Nothing worth being found I'm never gonna leave this town But babe I don't want to cause out there I’m stripped of my mortal gown And when you're this high there is no coming down There is no coming down I've waited on this empty fog For seven years I feared I’d lose my mom my grandma and my dog Can't you tell I'm having a ball
5.
Only Son 02:41
Your glistening wide eyes Disperses white noise on the walls in the dark And your late in life poise Draws the curtains on the ides of March When I’m out there running around I hope you’re up there looking down Cause I don’t want your life to keep on fading Cause you were my only one You wouldn’t want my life, to live on wasting Cause I was your only son When I search your room for signs A woodpecker perched upon your tree Three mallards in your pool An orange tabby walking beside me When I’m out there running around I hope you’re up there looking down Cause I don’t want your life to keep on fading Cause you were my only one You wouldn’t want my life, to live on wasting Cause I was your only son You left long ago it seems You’re unaware of that in my dreams On some restless mornings I dream lucidly Where I get up and run to your bedside And for that moment I forget you died
6.
How do I sum up your life I wish I could meet you where my future lies How do I dry out my eyes I wish I could reach you One last time When you were on borrowed time I wanted to lead you to a paradise But the light died in your eyes Now I wish I could reach you One last time Your laughing smile Lightened the soul You spread your love All over this home Please just tell me you’re fine I wish I could reach you One last time No such thing as closure This isn’t just a phase I’ll carry this weight on my shoulders ’Til my dying days  Just two lone rovers  In a closed off maze
7.
When she leaves It bleeds me empty This room’s her shrine When she’s not with me In empty spaces of the night Thoughts of her creep into the light Please align my reality with dreams My day-to-day has been relayed These mounds of naught have finally caved Her whispered words of departure hurt But wandering trails rejoin I’m sure Hey, let’s kick up dust on this dirt road to pave
8.
Gone 02:37
You watched me sleep at night To take the covers off my head, so I could sleep tight You picked me up at three To play Candyland, like i had siblings You told me this as you held me near The world is vast, but not to fear For you’ll always be here Even when you aren’t here You showed me these chords, you taught me how to strum and to think, and to give love You introduced me to The Beatles as we walked the duck pond It seems so needless for you to be gone You took my hand as I asked you why What is it to live, if all must die Sometimes there’s no reason why You just push on, and such is life Every time I think of you I think of all I couldn’t do And all that you gave me I didn’t have a chance to give to you
9.
10.
At Your Best 03:02
Why did I have to see you leave But if I didn’t I’d forever be incomplete Josh please help me I cannot breath Dissolve another Ativan in Morphine That crooked smile at your rest That stuffed owl placed beside your chest That smell of poplar wood I’ll never forget But I’ll always remember you at your best Pumpkin patch in October Duck pond in the Summer It’s hard to tell when it’s over I don’t know where you’re going But I know where you’ve been And that’s enough You came to me in a dream We were walking down a moon-lit street You said our hearts beat louder than The void of eternity
11.
12.
Lucid 02:42
Lucid in thought You’re still conversational But as your body shorts out A little less emotional Almost wish you had forgotten about a few things Like Cambria fog Winter in Palm Springs So you wouldn’t be wiped clean before my eyes Of all sweet memories at the same time You lived your life and I’ll live mine You loved your life and I’ll love mine By the First of March you couldn’t eat Sometimes I wish you slipped away in your sleep A seamless end to this mystery I wrote you a 10-page list Recollections of untempered happiness we have shared God knows how I truly miss Your unfading smile and brown wavy hair You’re not gripping my hand quite like you used to And although you let go I’ll never really lose you

about

All instrumentation, vocals and songwriting by Josh Abramovitz
“Ask Him” was written by Debbie Abramovitz
Background vocals for “Nameless” by Cheyenne Grogan
Recorded and mixed at home by Josh Abramovitz
Mastered by TW Walsh

credits

released October 11, 2016

For my mom, Debbie. You will be forever missed.
1957-2015

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Haricot Vert California

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